Early Years at School (Chapter 1)

The first couple of years in elementary school was incredibly stressful for me in fact school in general was a source of considerable trauma and stress in my life. The lessons were not particularly difficult in fact I remember thinking it was so easy and wondered by others were having so much trouble with reading and arithmetic. For me socialization was incredibly awkward, and I just did not relate to the boys. At recess and lunch, I tried to fit in with them and their games, but I was inept at everything and as children can be they immediately spotted my weaknesses and being different and I quickly became the source of teasing and bullying.

At the same time my dad was travelling for business less and having him home made my special times with my mom less frequent. My dad was a typical European dad expected his son to play soccer and every other sport. At first my mom convinced him that sports might not be the best for me, but he relented and by 2^nd grade I was forced to participate in sports like soccer, swimming and baseball to be honest I was not very good at the sports especially soccer which required some physical attributes. I remember being teased and being called a sissy by some of the boys because I often would end up crying during a game if I was knocked over or hit hard by the ball or another player.

He and my mom argued constantly about why I was being diapered every evening and about why she was encouraging me to help her cook and my interest in “girl things” along with why she was letting my hair grow so long and what infuriated him the most was why I was often wearing girlish looking outfits and especially dresses.

I woke up I the middle of the night many times to the sound of them arguing about me and him insisting that I learn to a normal boy.   I was very stressed whenever my dad was home, and I began to have more and more accidents not just at night but also during the day. Stress began to manifest itself with me uncontrollably wetting myself as soon as I felt nervous or threatened. I began to have accidents at school and as you can imagine only made things worse. The teasing from the boys and some of the girls was horrible and I was being called “baby” constantly.

My mother’s solution was to diaper me during school days and if I had an accident, she would change me when I came home for lunch. This solution stopped embarrassing wet pants, but it was only a matter of time when a boy named Eric spotted my plastic pants sticking out from the back of my pants. To make it worse he was the class bully and a few days later when we were outside he knocked me to the ground, pulled down my pants to expose my diapers and plastic pants then pull my pants right off so now I was fully exposed for all to see.

After that incident school was pure hell, I pleaded with my mom not to make me go to school, but she insisted I go which lead to many morning of me faking illness or a stomach ache.  I ended up having just one friend during my first couple of years in elementary school. A girl named Erin who was sweet and would spend time with me on the school grounds at recess and lunch.  I recall being so happy when I told my mom that she had invited me over to play. I was confused when my mom showed concern and then she went over to speak with Erin’s mom who was also at the school picking her up at the end of the day.

I don’t know what she said to Erin’s mom but that weekend I had my first “play date” at her house. I will always remember that morning how my mom constantly reminded me about table manners, saying please and thank you, offering to help clean up, and every other thing a kid could possibly forget. Just before leaving she called me to my room where she had laid out my clothing. I was a little surprised that the clothing was one of the outfits she had made for me. It was similar to a little boy’s sailor suit and the shorts were baggy and had a slight bubble effect.   

When she went over to the dresser and pulled out diapers and plastic pants I objected. She persisted and told me they were necessary just in case I had an accident, and these would prevent any possible embarrassment.

She reminded me that Erin already knew I wore diapers because of the incidents at school and she had discussed my occasional wetting with Erin’s mom at school the other day.

I was very nervous when my mom dropped me off, in addition to the faint sound of the plastic pants when I walked and the bulkiness of the diaper the other thing was the distinct smell of the baby powder. My initial nervousness was for not and within a few minutes I forgot about my diapered condition. I had a great time I remember we baked cookies, played some board games in her room, etc. it was the first time in my life I had fun playing with someone else. When my mom came later in the afternoon to pick me up I pleaded with her to let us finish the game we were playing. I recall that she and Erin's mom had coffee and chatted for quite some time and when Erin and I came back into the kitchen the quickly changed subjects. 

Erin's mom said to me as we were leaving that I was welcome to come over anytime and that it was nice for Erin to have a friend who was so similar and liked the same things.