The Teenage Years - (Chapter 1)

 

Fast forwarding now to when I was about 12 years old.

My mom sat me down to let me know that she and my dad were getting divorced and that she thought that it would be for the best for us both because of the stress he was causing me and how unhappy and unloved she had felt for many years. I was a little confused because my mom was a devout Catholic and very active in the church as well as the Catholic Women's League. I became even more confused when she went on to tell me that she would be starting to go on dates with men and hoped that I would understand.  

She then told me that as a treat she would be getting me a new bedroom suite from Sears and that my dad's office which was located next to her bedroom would now become my bedroom. she then showed me a picture of it from the Seats catalog and I must admit that it was one that I had seen quite a few times while flipping through her big stack of catalogues.

 

It was a very girlie style of canopy bed in white with matching desk and dresser. In fact, it was very similar to the one my friend Erin had. The one she purchased was very similar to the one in this photograph except that the bows and skirting were white.I remember her immediately placing the order on the telephone and then announcing that we had to go to the fabric store to pick out material for the drapes and paint store to paint the walls. We picked out pale pink paint while for the window coverings mom went for lots of white ruffles and lace. I was actually quite excited to have a special room and when we returned home we immediately started sewing the curtains.

I wondered why I needed to move my room because I liked being at the other end of the house, she told me that my new room would be bigger, and I would need a bigger room now but my old bedroom would still be there for when family visited.  I learned later that she was concerned that people would think it was very odd that I had a girlie room and that my new bedroom would be our little secret.

My mother always asked how I felt about how I dressed and was treated, I never felt as if I was forced to dress like a girl or like a toddler and be treated like a baby. Now that I was 12, she said that I probably would not be able to dress like a girl in public. While I was younger, I was quite short and very slight. In the last few months, I was starting to grow and while still not much taller I was becoming heavier and to be honest a little fat.

She told me that while I still would be able to be part of the square dance and clogging club she did not think it was a good idea for me to be doing ballet after the spring classes ended in a few weeks. I remember having a bit of a temper tantrum when she told me. I loved wearing tights and leotards I liked how it felt and how it made me feel.  She persisted and she told me that it was for the best. I persisted and then she told me that she noticed that my "winkie" was erect inside my leotard at class. Winkie was what she had called my penis.

I remember getting very embarrassed by her telling me this and then having another temper tantrum. Up until this point in my life she had never told me there was something I could not have or do.  She didn't really do anything to stop me other than saying that I was acting like a baby.  I wore her down and she told me that I could still go to ballet.  

She reassured me that if I wanted, I could still dress in little girl clothing at home and if I wanted, I could wear diapers and be treated like a baby. I recall her taking me by the hand and asking me if that is what I wanted. When told her that I wanted that she gave me a big hug and called me her little baby.

Within a few days mom had arranged for some men to remove the guestroom furniture and store it in the basement and by the next weekend she had painted the walls and put the window coverings in place.  The following Friday my mom picked me up from school which she normally never did, it had been a bad day at school I was still often called a sissy because of my docile and effeminate nature. Before I could even pour my heart out and tell her about my day, she excitedly told me that she had a big surprise for me at home.

She took me upstairs and told me to close my eyes as she led me by my hand down the hallway when she told me open my eyes I was blown away by my room. I literally let out a squeal of delight and hugged my mom thanking her over and over. The canopy bed was just like I the catalogue. There was even a diaper pail in the corner on the far wall and beside it was large changing table that was painted white to match the other furniture. She showed me that the dresser at the foot of the bed was filled with cloth diapers, disposables, plastic baby pants, tubes of diaper rash cream, baby powder, and diaper pins. The bottom two drawers of the dresser had babyish clothing such as sleepers, rompers and little girl style tops which the remaining three drawers were filled with panties, training bras, ruffled panties, slips, tights, my dance leotards and all things feminine. The unit that had the desk had more clothing along with my school supplies because this is where I would be doing my homework. The biggest surprise was the closet, which was had skirts, blouses, all type of dresses that were ultra-feminine with ruffles and lace. She showed me each item and held them up for me to see. She saved the best for last because she held out a ballerina’s tutu followed by a white crinoline and pink crinoline along with a square dance dress.

I was ecstatic and my little penis was erect from the excitement. My mom probably noticed but did not let on. She told me to enjoy my new room and pick out a special dress for tonight while she prepared by favorite meal which at the time was spaghetti and meatballs. I sent the time before dinner trying on different outfits and was in pure heaven, my penis was erect the entire time and I worried about my mom barging in and seeing me in this aroused condition. I chose to where a frilly white dress similar to the one in the photo along with white panties, white tights and frilly white rhumba pants to cover the tights.

When I entered the kitchen, I was beaming from ear to ear which was not something my mom was used to seeing from me. I tended to be very quiet and sad due to all the teasing and bullying I went through. My mom smiled and gave me the biggest hug of my life and asked if I was feeling better and was happy now.

I recall that she gave me a playful pat on my bum and then lifted the hem of my dress up to peek underneath. Then she told me that this was supposed to be a little toddler’s outfit and I was wearing big girl panties instead of diapers. She then told me to take off the panties and pin on a diaper and some baby pants then cover them up with my tights and rhumba panties.

I recall being very embarrassed by this, in fact my face got beet red from the embarrassment and I stood there in shock for a few minutes before hurrying off to do as I was told. Dinner was on the table when I returned to the kitchen and mom immediately tied a large bib around my neck and we dug into my favorite dinner. She asked me lots of questions about how I felt and what I thought of my new room and all the clothing. I was at a loss how to describe how I felt about this change in my home life, I felt a little more comfortable talking about the clothing and the room. I was definitely happy albeit at a loss and confused.

After dinner I watched TV like I did most Friday nights, and it was not long before I was feeling very tired from what had transpired that afternoon and evening. Mom suggested I have my bath and get ready for bed, and she would read to me until I fell asleep. I took a quick bath and when I let the water out of the tub my mom came into the bathroom which I was not use to, normally I put myself into my night diapers and got ready for bed by myself. Without a word she dried me and took me by the hand to my new room. Without a word she pointed to the changing table, I climbed up and laid down, in a matter of a few minutes she had me double diapered and was helping me into a footed sleeper that had a zipper up the back.

Mom surprised me when she suggested to me that if I wanted to really feel like a toddler she would not be upset if I messed my diapers just like a real toddler or baby. I shook my head and told her I did not want to, and she told me that it was fine and up to me.

She pulled back the comforter and sheet and as soon as I got into my new bed, I heard the distinctive rustling and crispness of a waterproof sheet under my bed sheet. I was puzzled and she told me that she did not want me ruining the new mattress if my diaper leaked during the night.      

I laid down on the bed and mom laid on top of the comforter beside me then handed me a bottle of warm milk with honey, this was something I always had loved. She read to me from my “Hardy Boys” novel, I don’t recall much of the story because I was so entranced by my new surroundings, the rustling of the plastic sheet, the thickness of the diapers which seemed thicker than what I had worn before and that I now seemed to have a constant erection.

Perhaps it was the onset of puberty or becoming comfortable and content with my clothing, but this was the start where I began to notice that I was beginning to associate the diapers and the feminine clothing with sexual arousal and excitement.

The next blog post will be about when something happened that surprised me as well as begin to delve into those feelings and my adventures involving masturbation.