Teenage Years – (Chapter 2)

Being a normal teenager is a trying time and like every teenager I started to have some behavioral issues. Being raised under the watchful eye of a very controlling mother with her high moral values made it worse.  She was a devote catholic but, in my ways, she had belief's more in keeping with some Fundamental Christian beliefs. She was very active in a Catholic Women's League and often hosted meetings at our home.  I often heard her lecture at these meetings about the importance of discipline in the home and she was in the minority.

Eventually when I was about 13 or 14 years old one day she sat me down and told me that we would be switching churches and attending a church that was more in line with her beliefs and that she thought I would be more at home there among other kids my age who had a similar upbringing.

I found out later that one of the reasons she left the Catholic church was that the church was not open to her ideas of traditional family values that she was pushing on members as well as they had issues with her and raising me as a girl.

This new church was near Abbotsford, BC. which was considered our version of the Bible Belt. The church went by the name of “Mission Traditional Christian Family Church” or “MTCFC” which no longer exists. I will share more details about our time at the “MTCFC” in an upcoming post.

My behavior changed very quickly, and it first started with me starting to talk back to my mother; something I never did when I was younger. She dealt with it by washing my mouth out with soap, which was horrible, but it had the desired effect. It only took a few mouth washings before she put an end to me disrespecting her.

The other thing that changed was that within a matter of a few months I went from being very slight to being a kid who was constantly snacking and eating sweets which caused me to become quite chubby or to be blunt fat.

I started high school at about that time and didn’t take long for word to get out about me that I was being relentlessly teased and called “girlie boy” or “diaper boy”. It didn’t help that my mom had always dropped me off at the front of the school every morning and was there waiting for me when school was over. I was upset most days and she usually just encouraged me to ignore the other kids and if I didn’t react, they eventually would just stop teasing me. One thing my mother was, was very comforting and reassuring she would always comfort me at home and have a treat which of course added to my weight issues.

Things did not improve at school and I became argumentative with my teachers and I was also being disruptive at the Square Dance Club. Looking back my mother never really scolded or dealt with me acting badly in front of others but talking back to her was dealt with. My mother often defended or made excuses for me when I acted up in front of others and especially so at school.

The most traumatic day for me at school was when I was coerced to go to the boys locker room and a group my pants were pulled down exposing my diapers and took away my pants, I was relentlessly teased and laughed at, I lashed out and started a fight that sealed my fate. It was made even worse because when I was so upset during the whole incident I soaked by diaper.  Uncontrolled wetting was something that occurred when I got upset and even as I got older it still happened on occasion.

As a result of the incident my mother was called to the school, and we were told that I would be suspended from school for 2 weeks. On the way home my mother was very supportive and understanding she removed me from public school and gave me the choice of going to a private Christian school or to be home schooled. She sat me down and told me that she was very sorry about what had happened. She reassured me that I would not have to wear diapers to the new school if I thought I could stay dry and if not, she could provide me with training pants.

She told me that if I wanted, I could choose to stop being a baby and give up my feminine clothing and activities. I had a big break down that afternoon and was bawling and really felt very babyish and I told her that I wanted to escape being a teenager and just be babied.

Mom asked me if I wanted to give it a try for a few days and that maybe it would help me feel better about the day’s events. I was still crying, and I nodded my head, she gave me a big hug guided my head so that my face was right against her breast for a few minutes until my crying slowed down. I don’t recall what transpired next but the next thing I knew she had unbuttoned her blouse and now my face was against her left breast. I remember starting to pull away and she reassured me that   it was okay, and this was part of being a baby, moments later I felt her nipple against my lips, and she whispered to suckle, and I would feel much better. I felt very weird, but I was still upset, and it was not long before I began to gently suck on her breast. I don’t recall how long it lasted but it was not long. When I stopped crying and my breathing slowed, she pulled my head away and told me to go lie down on my bed and rest while she made dinner.

I was confused by what happened it was not as if I enjoyed it or disliked it I was just numb. At dinner my mom acted as if nothing happened, she just acted like normal, and life just continued. The breastfeeding was never happened again nor was it ever discussed.

However, I did notice as time passed, I became much more orally fixated on things such as a pacifier, baby bottle or even my thumb when I became stressed or anxious. In my early 20’s when I had my first girlfriend I was obsessed with sucking and nursing on her nipples.