Update Coming

 I apologize for the delay. I will be publishing an update later this week.

Teenage Years - (Chapter 4 Part 7 – Discovery of Lingerie Catalogues

In my younger years and early teens my mom purchased my undies without any of my input by ordering them from Woodward’s, Eaton’s and Sears catalogues and they would just appear in my dresser. My panties were almost always simple full satin briefs (i.e. granny panties) that would be large enough to cover my plastic pants. Other than maybe some lace trim on the edges they were very plain. The colours were always white or soft pastels. The only fancy panties I made were square dance rhumba panties which were always my favourite. My bras were also very plain and more like training bras. The only other things lingerie related that I wore were tights and those were always white and opaque. 

On a few occasions mom took me shopping for underwear at the Army & Navy Department store in New Westminster. I always was terrified because it was embarrassing to be taken into the Lingerie Department and mom would spend a long-time choosing items for herself and for me. When I reached my mid-teens the trip brought out mixed emotions I was still very nervous but on the other hand now I was becoming very intrigued by the racks of panties hanging on the wall

 as well as fancier bras, slips and girdles. I must confess I always had an erection during my time in the Lingerie Department and when we got home, I would often masturbate quickly in my room.

When I was about 16 or so my mom started dating and go out every weekend and often a night or two during the week. Those trips to the Lingerie Department started to stir many urges and I spent lots of time in my mom’s room tentatively exploring her lingerie drawer. What I did find was her collection of catalogues from Woodward’s, Eaton’s and Sears.  I was in pure heaven and spent hours thumbing through them all. What I realized was that there was so much more to lingerie than just bras, panties and girdles.

I was immediately drawn to the lace bras especially the push up ones, the pantyhose, the sexy nighties, and my favourite the girdles. I began keeping some of the catalogues in my bedroom and when I went to bed, I would flip through them as I slide my hand inside my diapers and played with myself.

At that time I had my first girlfriend and she always wore pantyhose they became an obsession for me both on her but also in the catalogues. I loved the pictures almost as much as the feel of them. I was either masturbating looking at the photos, dry humping against her pantyhose covered crotch or bottom and then I discovered taking a pair of my moms wrapping it around penis and jerking off.

With the discovery lingerie catalogues happened together with the
discovery of my mother’s interest in lingerie and her growing collection which coincided with her starting to date following the end of my parent’s marriage. To put it candidly she had a very active and varied social life. More on this in the next chapter.

While I always had an interest in little girlish undergarments growing up specifically petticoats, frilly panties, and opaque tights that all were

focused around my love of being in diapers all of a sudden there was a change in direction. Don’t get me wrong the diaper/plastic pants desire never went away but now there was an added dimension of sexy lingerie.

It all turned me on but I started to develop an interest in girdles and full figured women who at the time were the ones modelling the girdles and all-in-one body briefers. Was it the girdles or the full-figured women or was it even the older women who caught my sexual interest? 

Perhaps it was a combination of all of the above.

This was the late 1970’s and at the time lingerie catalogues and the increased space they took in the mundane department store catalogues was starting to grow.

The Victoria’s Secret catalogue appeared in 1977 but sadly it never mad it’s way into my mother’s home. The  golden age of women’s lingerie (1980’s and early 1990’s) was just around the corner and for a lingerie addict and sissy like me it was pure heaven.

Teenage Years - (Chapter 4 Part 6 - Becoming Obsessed with Masturbation)

Like all boys once we hit puberty, we discover the joys of masturbation, and I was no different. However, when I was 16 I became obsessed with it and I was humping my pillow or playing with myself 4-5 times a day. Not 100% sure what brought it on but it was probably a combination of discovering my mom's lingerie drawers when she was not home as well as the Woodward’s, Eaton’s and Sears catalogues around our home were filled with pages of lingerie and lastly hearing and sometimes spying on my mom having sex. More on those topics later.

As I was in diapers every night and loved the feeling of the soft cloth against my penis I was usually masturbating in my diapers. I must confess I was loving the feeling of diapers and rubbing myself even as a little boy. At first, I would lay there and rub myself through the plastic pants; I loved the smooth feeling as well as the swishing sound of the plastic pants and would do this as soon as I went to bed and again in the morning in what was always my wet diaper which felt even more wonderful.

In the early days my mom caught me occasionally and she took a dim view of masturbation and would caution me that the Lord took a dim view of it as well. I would be more careful for a short period of time and do it quietly but it was not nearly as fun because I loved to furiously rub my cock so when my mom was not around I would do it over and over until she came home. Inevitably, I would be caught again and chastised or made to "write lines" quoting a verse from the Bible that she believed dealt with masturbation.

How I humped my pillow

As time went on, I discovered the joy of laying on my pillow in my diapers and humping away rubbing myself against the pillow but with this I started to become careless in my excitement and vigorous because now my bed was squeaking or banging against the wall which my mom obviously noticed.

I remember one evening I was humping away and after I had cum, I rolled off my pillow and was horrified to see my mom standing in the open doorway with her arms folded across her chest. To say she was upset was an understatement because she was mad in fact the angriest,

I had ever seen her.  She came in grabbed me by the arm and was

My diapers were this thick at night

yelling at me demanding an explanation. I just stammered and didn't say anything so for the first time in my life she slapped me across the face, took me by the arm and made me stand up, turned me around and swatted my bum a few times. It obviously didn't hurt because of my padded bottom but I was still shocked by it and especially her rant about how it was against our faith and family values. The next morning, she took me to see Pastor Eric and I received a strong talking to about how masturbating was against family values and sinful. I spent the rest of the days sitting at the kitchen table righting the lines: 

2 Timothy 2:22 – “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

I remember the irony of it all because my mom then went out shopping and no sooner was, she gone did I put my hand between my legs and start rubbing myself.

My mom's solution to my masturbation was to purchase a Fisher Price Baby Monitor and put it in my room. I thought I was pretty smart by just unplugging it when I went to bed and started quietly humping the pillow or rubbing the front of my plastic pants then when I was done, I plugged it back in this seemed to work for a period of time but one day I came home and my bedroom door had been removed and also so was the monitor.  What I had not realized was that my mom had just moved the monitor from the nightstand then plugged it into a plug that was behind my bed and placed the monitor under my bed out of sight.

I thought I would just outsmart her by waiting until she went to bed then I would go back to my merry ways. Within minutes she was at my door, and I would be in trouble, this happened over and over and I just assumed it was because without a door to my room she could hear me. I had no idea it was the monitor that was signaling my naughty behavior.  I then started my jerking off during the day when my mom was either in the basement or her sewing room or in the yard but every time, she was at my door followed by a lecture and more lines. I had not realized that the baby monitor came with a little hand held receiver that she could have clipped to her belt on in her pocket.

One Sunday after church I was threatened with more severe repercussions to bring an end to my sinful behavior. Once again it was a visit to the Pastor, and he told my mother and I that the church condones the use of corporal punishment in situations of immoral or repeated poor behavior. I recall my mom was not keen on that idea especially because she really was not very strict with me my entire life. It was only this masturbating that she took a dim view on and was the first time she really got angry with me.  The situation was made more complicated because she and Pastor Eric soon were dating and he started to have more influence on her and on my lack of discipline.

Teenage Years - (Chapter 4 Part 5 - My First Girlfriend)

Having female friends was wonderful for me, I felt so comfortable in that "friend zone" but to be completely honest I started to feel some yearnings for more than just being friends. My biggest issue with moving forward was fear of rejection, and if I were rejected, losing the girl as a friend. In addition, the 5 girls in our little group felt comfortable with me as a friend that they constantly talked about boys they had "secret crushes" on, and I was nothing like any of those guys.

As time went on one girl, Elise, who was in 9th grade and the youngest of the girls started to make subtle advances like making sure she sat beside me, inviting me over earlier than the others, touching my arm, inviting me to go to movies or just hang out without the other. Naturally being so inexperienced and insecure I missed all these hints so eventually she just asked me if I wanted to be her boyfriend. You would think that since she was now my girlfriend, I would feel comfortable with taking the initiative sexually but again I was hesitant and insecure.   After a month all we had done was soft kisses good night until one evening while we were watching TV, she took the initiative and we started making out. 

Within seconds I had an erection, and I was in heaven, and it only got better when she took my hand and placed it on her breast and I started feeling her through her blouse. Things progressed slowly but now I was experiencing normal teenage boy sexual adventures. It was not long before I slipped by hand inside her blouses and then touched her bare breasts. Much to my embarrassment the first time she touched my cock through my pants and rubbed it I immediately had an orgasm. We were soon touching and groping every chance we had which was usually on Friday or Saturday nights when my mom went out on her frequent dates.

Since we were spending more time at my house now, eventually Elise noticed that my room looked like a girl's room and without really having an explanation why I told her that I liked to dress up like a little girl sometimes. I was both relieved and mortified when she told me that she had heard rumours at school that I liked girly things and that I wore diapers. I remember blushing horribly and figuring those things were over, but she didn't seem to care and she never said anything else about it.

For the next few months our sexual adventures were at the point where I would play with her breasts, and I particularly loved to suck on her nipples. She was now taking my penis in her hands and stroking me, but she never gave me a blow job. I didn't really care, and I always thought it was weird when I spied on my mom having sex and she was sucking her boyfriend's penis. My biggest worries were that I knew my penis was very small and much to my horror I was always having an orgasm very quickly.  

Elise almost always wore pantyhose, and I loved the feeling of them against my legs. I would often touch her legs and loved the sensation. I sometimes would cautiously let my hand slide up a little further up her leg and she would push my hand away.  She confided in me that she was not ready to have sexual intercourse and she was very self conscious about me seeing her naked or even being partially naked.   I begged her to let me touch her legs, bum and privates even through her pantyhose and she agreed. 

I think this is where my addiction to women in pantyhose began. I loved to feel her thighs through the nylon and especially loved to caress her bum while we made out on the sofa. I think it helped that I rarely pushed the issue and often she was the one who initiated our cuddling and groping time. Sucking on her nipples while I touched her pussy through the panties and pantyhose was our favourite activity. I would orgasm multiple times during these sessions which was both embarrassing and wonderful. 

We never ended up having sex but evolved to the point where she would leave her bra, panties and pantyhose on and I would be naked, and we would dry hump and I would rub my cock against her pantyhose covered pussy in a missionary style or I would rub it against her bum in doggy position or just rub myself against her pantyhose covered legs and cum over her pantyhose.

We dated for over a year until I graduated high school and moved back to North Vancouver with my mom where I would attend Capilano College.  Our little group stayed together the entire time and none of the other girls said anything or seemed bothered by us dating. 

Elise was self conscious because she was a larger girl, she was tall and well developed with a big round ass and large breasts. Eventually we would spend time in bed, and she would not wear her bra and I lovingly suckled on her nipples for the longest time while my hand caressed every part of her pantyhose covered legs, bum and pussy. Eventually she told me and showed me what she was most self conscious about after much begging and pleading especially after I shared about my desires to wear little girl clothing and my diaper desires. 

One day when we were groping, she took my hand and slid it inside her pantyhose and placed my hand on her pussy. Elise had very large pussy lips that hung down as well as they were very swollen. I was touching my first pussy and had no idea that this was unusual.  She guided my hand and showed me how to make her feel good and then she guided my hand to her clit which I could feel was sticking out in between my fingers.  I will never forget the day I made her have an orgasm by guiding my hand and fingers between her legs.

To this day I love a woman in pantyhose and have been fascinated by large swollen and long hanging lips.  Little did I know that her large swollen and low hanging pussy lips was very uncommon, and I never again had the pleasure of seeing and touching such lovely pussy lips.

Elise's pussy lips were almost this large and swollen

Teenage Years - (Chapter 4 Part 4 - My Friendships with Girls)

Not since my early friendship with Erin did I feel comfortable around girls but now I was surrounded by girls 3-4 afternoons a week after school and I was loving it. We had common interests and there was a level of comfort. I think the fact that they all knew I was different and for the lack of a better word was a “sissy” they felt comfortable and not threatened by me. 

For the most part I felt more comfortable around the girls that were younger than me. I still felt uncomfortable with the girls in my grade and 12^th grade because they were more mature and all they talked about was boys. It started off innocently with girls asking if I would like a ride home with their mom at the end of the club time.  With the school being very Christian oriented they were friendly and welcoming.

It was not long before a group of us started getting together on weekends in the afternoon to cook and bake together at a different person’s home each weekend. Since it was mostly the younger girls and I getting together it was very casual and carefree without any pretensions of there being any interest in dating or romantic interest for the most part at least by me. Looking back though I should have caught onto the signals from a few of the girls such as them touching my hand or arm often and hugging me when we saw each other or left.

When we had the cooking/baking gatherings at my house I noticed that my mom was very happy to see me enjoying myself and feeling comfortable. She was perhaps a little too friendly and

was around us more than I had wanted. Since my room was right beside the bathroom, I was worried that one of them had seen my room when they had gone to the bathroom earlier.  I didn't want my friends to see that my room was one of those little girl rooms complete with canopy bed that was so popular in the day and in the Sears catalog.I was so upset with my mom, and she claimed that she had left the door out of force of habit.

When I finished complaining to my mom and returned to the kitchen, I was mortified to see out through the sliding doors of the dining room which faced the backyard that my mom had hungout the laundry to dry on the clothes line because it was a nice warm

October day. Amongst the towels and sheets, she had also hung my diapers plastic pants, ruffled panties and one of my frilly dresses. I went running to my mom and she again claimed that she had forgotten I had friends over and she quickly took down my clothing.

When I returned to the kitchen none of the girls said anything but there was no way they didn’t see them because the kitchen window overlooked the backyard, and the clothesline was in full view. I was so upset for the rest of the day not just because I was so embarrassed but also that I worried that I would be shunned by the group.

Thankfully nothing seemed to change. Over time we started going to movies together and other activities almost every weekend. A couple of the girls were even in a square dance club, and they invited me to participate. I remember they were shocked that I knew how to square dance already. Alas when I attended, I dressed and acted like a male partner. Seeing the girls in their crinolines, big puffy dresses and getting peaks at their ruffled panties inevitably had me develop an erection and when I got home, I often would put me outfits on and enjoy the feelings of wearing frills and ruffles. I would often lay on my bed and rub myself through the ruffled panties until I would cum in my panties. 

Our little friend group remained intact until I graduated, and I even stayed friends with a few of the girls after we had moved back to North Vancouver, and I began attending Capilano college. In fact, I remained close to two of the girls into my early 20’s and had begun the next chapter in my sissy life.

 

Teenage Years - (Chapter 4 Part 3 - Accepting my Feminine Role)

As 11^th grade progressed, I began not to feel ashamed about my interests in things that were not stereotypically male. While it was not all wonderful times, I felt better about myself as I got older, sure there were times that I was ruthlessly teased and bullied at school I ignored it as best I could. The teasing and bullying did bring the stress induced wetting again so I often wore thin cloth diapers and plastic pants to school and the nighttime wettings became more severe. I loved cooking, cleaning, and sewing it brought me comfort and I was very good at it. I don’t feel that there was a correlation between the interest in traditional female roles with the home and my love of feminine attire they were mutually exclusive. I was a home body and I found that cooking and cleaning were relaxing.

I was never so happy as when I was at home doing traditionally female chores and activities. Little did I know that in a few short years I would

have that opportunity when I met an older gentleman who nurtured and encouraged my feminine desires. It was also at this time when I first saw on TV a provocative maid's uniform during a skit on a comedy show like  Benny Hill.

While I was not athletic in the normal sense when it came to sports, I had a natural aptitude towards golf. My parents were members of a private golf club in North Vancouver and when I was younger, I would tag along and play or go to the driving range. Even then I seemed to have a natural aptitude towards the game. When my mom starting dating when I was in 11^th grade the man, she was dating was an avid golfer and she encouraged me to go along one Sunday afternoon to Mission golf & Country Club where he was a member. I think part of it was to help us get to know each other better. Apparently, he thought I was some sort of prodigy because I shot I the low 80’s and had not played golf in probably 4 or 5 years.

He encouraged me to try out for the school golf team that spring, but I was not interested in being art of the “guys” at school. I continued to play golf casually during my last two years in school, but I preferred to go play late I the afternoon by myself or I just joined up with adults rather than play with people nearer my own age. 

Even with golf I remember wishing I could wear the skirts or dresses that the players on the LPGA Tour wore but alas that never happened.

Teenage Years - (Chapter 4 Part 2 - My School Guidance Counsellor)

When my mother and I joined the church which was indirectly associated with school my mother was very open with both and let them know that I was not a normal boy emotionally as well as other things. I don’t think gender identity was even a term then but I’m sure that’s how I would have been classified now. I personally don’t think I had difficulty identifying with my gender I just enjoyed frills and girlish clothing and that role.

I was assigned a Guidance Counsellor when I arrived, and I was blessed to have been assigned a lovely younger lady rather than one of the traditional old school types. The counsellors were there for emotional support and help guide us through our teenage years. Looking back there was a heavy emphasis in making sure we towed the religious line according to the church doctrine. In simple terms no drinking, drugs, sex, no rebellious behavior, and volunteer for church, school, and community-based activities.

Miss Brown was so kind, and she understood I was struggling socially, and she really encouraged me to join some of the many small clubs that the school and church organized. Other than golf I was not interested in anything that remotely was focused on boys, so she asked me what I enjoyed doing at home and on weekends. I was embarrassed to admit I loved cooking, baking, sewing things with my mom, etc. All clearly very traditional female activities.

I ended up going the Baking Club, Cooking Club and Sewing Club in 11^th grade and I struggled to fit in the first month or so, naturally I was the only boy in these clubs. There were lots of giggles and snickers from some of the girls, but Miss Brown gently prodded me to keep attending as well as sit with any of the girls who were shy or appeared to not be fitting in as well.  I suspect Miss Brown spoke with the teachers who were leading the clubs because the next time I attended each of them suggested I sit with a specific girl.

Teenage Years – (Chapter 4 Part 1 – Discovering My Direction)

In the weeks leading up to the start of 11^th Grade we receive Aptitude and Vocational Testing followed by meeting with counsellors to go over the results and on the first day of school there was a Career Day where we could meet with people working in various industries.

My Aptitude Testing results showed that I was number oriented and analytical but did not have an aptitude toward sciences and the general feeling was that I would be most suited for Business and Accounting which was not surprising because I had taken a course in basic bookkeeping in 10^th grade and loved it.  As a side note the alternate field recommended was in the service industry.  Ironic considering that three short years later I became a “sissy maid”. (That will be the next chapter of my blog)

Going to university for 4-5 years to obtain a Bachelor of Commerce degree did not appeal to me in terms of time involved but also, I did not want to be required to take loads of math and a few required science courses. I also knew by then that I really wanted to get some freedom and get away from my mother. There was no money for me to live on campus either, so my inclination was to enter the Business Management programs at either BCIT or Capilano College. Since I would not need to take as many prerequisite courses to qualify for university I focused my courses during my last two years in high school on accounting, bookkeeping, typing and economics. Being a very traditional based school, they offered lots of courses in Home Economics and while my academic counsellor saw no harm in taking those although I remember him saying it was a little unconventional for a boy to take courses that were geared towards girls. Being the late 1970’s things were still pretty gender specific which was exacerbated by the traditional nature of this school.

Teenage Years – (Chapter 4)

 As I entered 11^th Grade in September it was the start of many changes for me socially, my sexual interests as well as general development. There were so many different factors that all came about within a short period of time:

             1.    Discovering my direction.

2.    My school guidance counsellor.

3.    Accepting feminine role

4.    Girls were my primary friends

5.    My first girlfriend

6.    Masturbation

7.    Discovery of lingerie catalogues

8.    Exhibitionism

9.    Learned about sex

10.  Sexual awakening

11.  Corporal punishment

             12.  Return to Vancouver

Rather than write about my last two years in school chronologically I thought I would share these topics individually.

Teenage Years - (Chapter 3)

When we moved out to Mission my mom claimed it was so that I could get a fresh start in a more structured school and be away from all the kids that teased and bullied me. I think it was also an opportunity for her to be in a different environment that suited her more.

I was now not wearing girl’s clothing out in public which I preferred but I was still prone to wetting and having accidents, so I still wore diapers almost all the time. Little did she know by this time the true accidents were very infrequent, but I was actually wetting on purpose because I loved the feeling of soft, thick diapers and plastic pants and I was becoming obsessed with masturbating. More about this and being caught next chapter. I still loved wearing little girls clothing and did it at home all the time. However, I was now getting very interested in women’s underwear and lingerie thanks to the many issues of the Sear’s and Eaton’s catalogues that my mom had, and I enjoyed looking at in my room.

Our new house was old and small, but it had a large yard and my mom loved that it had flower and vegetable garden. She enjoyed the country living as well as it was more private, and our neighbors were also members of the same church.  Shortly after we moved in, and the weather got warmer mom started using the clothes line to dry our laundry instead of the dryer.

I was horrified and very upset when I woke up one morning looked out my bedroom window to see the clothesline full of cloth diapers, plastic pants, my ruffled panties, tights, and little girl dresses. I got very upset and yelled at my mother to take them down before the neighbors saw them.

I received an actual spanking for that outburst and lost my privileges for a week. She told me that I should not be so concerned, and no one would care anyways.  My mom then nonchalantly told me that if someone asked, she would tell them that I had “special needs” that required diapers and she reminded me that when we started attending church next week people would probably notice that I was wearing diapers anyways.

It felt like a long first summer in Mission, I did not know anyone and except for going on some long bike rides by myself I spent most of my time at home. My mom did buy a large above ground pool which was quite nice especially as it got hotter. Since I would now be wearing boyish clothes more my mom spent most of the summer sewing shorts and pants that had room to accommodate my diapers and they also had a slight little boyish look to them. We attended church 2-3 times a week and everyone was expected to dress nicely. I still continued to wear frilly dresses around the house and my mom encouraged me to go into the backyard as well while in dresses. The yard was fairly private because of the hedge and fence it really was only the back deck and clothesline that were readily visible to our neighbors.

I didn’t understand why I still needed to be diapered under my bathing suit, but she would not relent, I hated it because they just got soaked and very heavy.  I complained constantly about this and at one point she told if I didn’t stop, she would take away my bathing suits and if I wanted to swim I could either wear diapers and plastic pants or just plastic pants. My reaction was that I would not use the pool any longer. This lasted a couple of weeks until I could not stand the boredom as well as being inside I the hot weather. So one day when my mom went out shopping I decided to go swimming before she got some. Unfortunately, she had taken away all my swim trunks. I decided to just wear a pair of my plastic pants and go swimming.  The worst thing possible could have happened I lost track of the time and my mom came home without me noticing and invited our next door neighbor over for coffee.  I was in the pool in just my plastic pants and my mom told me to get out and help I the kitchen. I was mortified to have to get out of the pool wearing light blue plastic pants that were full of water

The look on the lady’s face was shock at first and then she looked away. As I was in the room drying off and changing, I could hear the lady telling my mom that she had noticed the diapers and plastic pants on the clothesline and was asking if I needed diapers. My mom casually told her that I did and then went on to tell her that when I was stressed or upset, I would ask to wear dresses. I went beet read when the lady mentioned that she saw the pretty dresses and things on the clothesline as well. 

I wanted to hide in my room, but my mom would have no part of it. She came to my room and told me to come greet our neighbor then get to my chores. I was really embarrassed when I came out onto the deck to formally meet our neighbor. She acted as if nothing was amiss and asked me questions about looking forward to the start of the school year and how I was enjoying my summer.

My mom was very forthcoming and everyone in the congregation was made aware that I was I was not a normal boy and I felt more comfortable doing things that girls normally did and were taught. The church elders had no issues, and I was able to attend lessons and classes in Home Economics designed for the girls rather than take classes in woodworking or mechanics like the other boys did. A few parents were initially apprehensive, and I recall a few evenings parents would come to our home along with church elders for an open discussion about my circumstances. I didn’t understand it at the time but many years later figured out that this friendly and open Christian group was very set in traditional male/female roles and for the lack of a better term were very homophobic. As with so many religious groups they tried to hide their views and veil them with phrases rather than saying it outright that they feared I was gay. I didn’t understand what I was overhearing but it all made sense years later. 

Initially these mortified me but mom as so reassuring, and she’d ask me to bake cookies and serve coffee or tea for our guests. I enjoyed this part but since I was diapered, I was worried that our guests would hear the rustling of my plastic pants or notice my padded bottom. These gatherings were held during the summer before I had even started at the school, so my mom had me wear nice shorts and a shirt. Since she loved to sew, she made my shorts like a toddler’s with more room in the bottom and front for the bulky diapers. I will never forget how proud I felt when a few of the ladies said they wished their sons were so well behaved and helpful. 

The new church became a very important part of our lives, I recall that my mom had a very active social life. She was often being invited to the homes of other ladies for coffee and she was constantly reciprocating as well. It being summer and I did not know anyone my age I always had to help out when she had ladies over and my mom always made me wear properly tailored shorts and shirts and since she made most of them, they often had a slight little boy look to them or as she would tell me they need to accommodate my diapers and be modest in design. Worst of all when she had guests, she would always ask me while we were I the kitchen if I needed to be changed. She said it quietly but not exactly in a soft whisper and if I was wet, she would excuse herself from her guests and call me into my room where she would change me. The worst thing of all is that she never made an effort to take down the washing from the clothesline and there were inevitably diapers and plastic pants out on the line.

I complained quietly at first about this and she would just tell me that I was being silly, and no one cared. One particular day I complained a bit too much while we were in my room, and she gave me a couple of hard smacks on my bare bottom causing me to cry out which there was no way her friends did not hear then she scolded me told me that there was nothing to be ashamed of and that they all knew of my diapers so I should stop worrying about it so much.

By August my mom was starting to go out on Friday and Saturday evenings and in spite of my protests she always asked an older lady or one of her friends come over to babysit. I complained about this because I was already 15 years old and didn’t need a babysitter. My mom was ever patient and usually just ignored me and went about making my dinner or getting dressed to go out. However, on this one occasion I guess I went over the line and stormed into her bedroom to complain while she was getting dressed.  I will always remember that she was wearing a beige full slip and I was standing there with my mouth open. Without warning I received a sharp slap across the face which shocked me as she had never done that before and then she sat on the bed and pulled me across her lap. She gave me a couple of smacks on my bottom, but I was diapered so all it did was make a muffled thud.

However, she reached into the waistband of my shorts and with one yank pulled my shorts, plastic pants and diapers down to my thighs. She gave me a spanking with her hand that hurt so much after 3 or 4 smacks, and I was kicking and struggling but she ignored me and continued smacking my bare bottom. 

I was mortified to feel myself lose control of my bladder and I started to pee while laying on her lap. When she felt the wetness, she got very mad and mad me stand up. I was crying more from the embarrassment than the discomfort. She told me to pull up my pants and stand in the corner facing the wall. I had to stand there for what felt like an hour while she got changed and finished doing her hair. 

When mom’s friend arrived to babysit, I could hear my mom explain to her that I had acted up and misbehaved so after dinner I would have no TV privileges and that I was to spend my evening thinking about my behavior.  My mom came into her room and took me into the kitchen and sat me down at the table. She told me that I would have to write the following scripture 250 times even if it took me 2 days to complete. The scripture was:

Colossians 3:20

“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.”

She told her friend that I was to write lines until 9 o’clock then be sent to bed. Her friend was kind and had pity on me letting me stop writing after an hour so I could watch some TV and then she let me stay up later than 9 o’clock.

The next morning my mom sat me down and warned me that she was disappointed in my behavior this summer and that she would not put up with any more whining and complaining. Her compromise though was as long as I behaved perfectly until school started, she would have a trial period in September where I would not need a sitter when she went out on weekends.

I attended a small traditional Christian school near Abbotsford, and it would be supplemented with home schooling from some church elders and teachers associated with this religious group. There definitely was a slant towards traditional family values and very stereotypical roles within a family. It was almost as if it were modelled after a 1950’s family dynamic or after that popular TV shows like “Father Knows Best” or “Leave it to Beaver”. 

There was a strong emphasis on being properly dressed for any function associated with the church and girls and women were expected to wear dresses or skirts at all times.

I flourished in the home-schooling environment and the teachers at the Christian school demanded more from us than the public school I attended in North Vancouver. I was transformed from being a bored student to was loving the lessons and particularly enjoyed the classes in bookkeeping, accounting and math. As an added bonus the students I the school were far more accepting of this odd boy with long hair and who definitely acted effeminate or as I would later learn more “sissyish” than normal boys. Although I didn’t develop any close friendships at least I was not tormented and bullied.